The title kind of gives you an idea of what I want to share but there is more. My word for the year is Potential. And in some ways I have been living up to mine. This year I have done two 5Ks and didn’t finish one. Not going to lie, not finishing made me feel all the goals set and passed were for nothing. Instead it meant I need to work harder and do better. However I didn’t. The excuses started setting in. I am too tired. It’s too hot. I have too much to do. My child’s activities have me busy. I don’t feel like doing anything. When it cools down I will get back on track. In reality, I didn’t. I still am not. I got okay with the way things were. Go to work, come home, cook supper, watch tv, go to bed and do it all the next day. Any work I had done is gone. Today, I looked in the mirror and saw myself. (Yes I know we judge ourselves harder than anyone else.) I hated what I saw. There staring back at me was failure, grief, tiredness, all those excuses piling up, the face of someone I never want to see again. I cried. Cried for the loss of what I could have done but chose not to do. Cried because I did this to myself. Cried because I am sick of seeing myself this way.
Today I am taking on the word “Potential” again. I am the only one with the potential to change myself. I am the only one who can change the way I see myself. It is going to be a long road and I am sure I will fall but I can’t fall if I never start.
Until we next meet,